Without a doubt the most common question that gets asked of the liveaboard canal-boater is, "Is it cold in winter?" – So much so that it is a standing joke on the “Cut”. (Hint – solid fuel burning stoves in tiny living spaces can result in rapidly rising temperatures!)

But, in no particular order, here are some of the more peculiar enquiries that liveaboards have responded to on the towpath, and the also sometimes slightly abrupt responses given by canal boaters, when they are taken by surprise.

1) Do you live on that boat?

2) Where are you going?

3) Do your clothes get damp?

4) Do you have a washer or a cooker? You must have plenty of money!

5) What happens when you have a row?

6) How do you manage without an iron? (When my daughter was five years old she saw an ironing board for the first time at someone’s house and innocently asked, "Mummy, is that a surf board?")

7) How do you go to the toilet? (The surprised boater answered; The same as you!)

8) It is not uncommon for friends and family who have not been seen for a while to say,

“Are you still living on that boat then?”

This may still be asked to a boater who has lived aboard for ten or fifteen years. It is tempting to cheekily reply, "Yes. Are you still living in a house?"

9) Where does the water go?

10) Do you have a mooring? It surprises some people that a boater may not have a fixed location.

11) Does that solar panel work?

12) One boatwoman’s mother assumed, "You won't be having Christmas dinner this year because the kitchen is unsuitable." However,the lady in question did make a Christmas dinner for four with all the trimmings, and said that she could have catered for more.

13) Do you have a bed? Where do you sleep?

14) Where do you keep your boat then? The curt reply? “Erm...inthe water.”

Another boater was asked where she “parks” the boat and how much the parking costs.

15) Do you have a bathroom on your 'barge'? (A narrowboater may be quick to correct that a barge is a wide-beam cargo-carrying vessel.)

16) A working boatwoman operating a cargo carrying narrowboat, says,

“Like everyone else we get asked, "Aren't you cold in the winter?" I point to the hold full of coal and say "What do you think?!" (We also get asked if we have a shower on board and where do you sleep?)

17) Is there room for three dogs? And the cheeky answer: "No, we don't let them in!"

18) Owners of, Matilda Blue: Are you Australians? “No cobba but the original owners who named her were! G'day.”

19) Can you stand up in there? (I'm only 5'2" so people would say, "Oh it’s alright for you because you're not very tall - but I couldn't live on a boat!")

20) And my personal favourite: How do you not get a back-ache from all that crawling around inside you have to do? It turned out that somebody had assumed the canal boat had just 3-4ft headroom and didn’t realise that 2-3ft of the boat is below the water line!

And finally, two peculiar statements,

“My brother’s wife has said she couldn't visit a boat because she has a baby....”

And, “I have been told a few times that 'It's like being on holiday all the time.”

But one patient lady prefers to go easy on the new-comer to the Cut:

“I always try to remain humble and remember the times many years ago, before I was blessed witha boat and a canal-side cottage, when I used to go on towpath walks, stop by a moored boat and try to engage in conversation with the owner by asking simple questions and them being quite tetchy about it. Obviously, some of them were kind or I wouldn't now be restoring our second boat.”

If you have any questions about living on a boat contact your local Boatshed broker. No question is too silly; we love to talk about boats, and we promise to be helpful, friendly and kind!

Peggy

Image: Barge Wide Beam Rare Leeds & Liverpool Short Boat "The Arthur"

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